When I went to India to study yoga in what feels like a hundred years ago, there was a conversation I had that resonated so deeply within me that I reference it a lot. It is a conversation that brought up the truest part of my journey: that I am here to sit in my feelings.
My teacher asked what happiness meant to each of us. I wrote an article in more detail about it here: https://elejrnl.com?p=2599302
I'll give you my 20 second clip: for every bit of happiness we feel, we will feel the same bit of sadness. And it will swing back again. It is the pendulum shift of happiness, at least that's what I call it.
It resonated so much with me because I recognized and accepted on that very day, that I was here for it, for all the feelings, for the highs as much as the lows, because they all meant something to me. They meant that I was in it, I was fully in whatever it was and I would fully be out of it again too, and I could live with that.
Today marks 6 months to the day we lost my mom. 6 months I have felt a heavy burden of pain on my soul. And 6 months I have felt love, I have loved, and I have laughed and I have cried. I have allowed every single emotion come up where it wanted. I have been in it. The pendulum has swung so far in both directions, I worried my equilibrium might be thrown off.
In 6 months I have felt the worst pain I have ever felt, there was no heartbreak that could match losing one of the best people in my life. And in those same 6 months, I have felt the highest joys with having another one of the best people in my life by my side. Embracing my knee buckling tears with grace and leading me to gut wrenching laughter with ease. I feel pain that she can't be here for it, but
I feel comfort in knowing she is watching over us.
The pendulum shifts, my friends. If I didn't feel the pain that I feel with the loss of my mom, I wouldn't be so certain of the love she showed me and that I had for her. And if I didn't feel my joy at the small moments of cuddled up on the couch watching a bad movie or drinking margaritas after a random trip to a Sushi restaurant (yes, you read that right), then I wouldn't believe the shift was real.
Wait for it...be in it...know it will swing...and swing again.