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Goodbye 2020

For some reason when I write those words, the Elton John lyrics come to my head from his remake of Candle in the Wind, “

Goodbye English Rose“, written for Princess Diana’s funeral. Seems fitting that is what would come to mind as I believe 2020 deserves a funeral and a song of thanks.

Don’t get me wrong, this year sucked. I mean, it’s an freaking pandemic for goodness sake. So why would I say this year deserves thanks?

Because I learned to re-appreciate the relationships I have and the value of a hug. I learned to sit in my own thoughts and rummage through why my light dimmed at moments inexplicable. I re-evaluated my goals and took notice of

what I avoided. My dedication to my personal wellness was off the charts considering where I was less than 5 years ago.

I stopped beating myself up for falling off the path. I learned to nap. I got to have really special, quality time with my senior dogs. I laughed with friends on facetime that I hadn’t seen in person in years. I slowed down.

I got creative with spending time with loved ones and I accepted where I did not place in the “pods” of others.

I wrote ferociously in my journal until the end of April when I decided when I looked back on 2020, I didn’t want to read about being scared or frustrated anymore. I picked it back up when I wanted to start writing stories again and digesting my feelings about the past or what I saw for my future.

I wrote a manuscript! I dedicated time to writing my story down on paper and sharing it with someone I had not known well, before writing, and who became my accountability partner and mentor.

I tried dating in a pandemic, and it wasn’t a total disaster. It didn’t last, but it gave me time to really get to know someone without the expectation of seeing them often. Turns out, I know more about what I want than I realized.

I let go of the one wish I had been holding on to for the majority of my adult life and I could actually exhale when I did it. I wrote letters to my nieces and nephew, to old friends, and even a dear john to the wish. I wrote a lot. I have a folder of stories ready to read again and maybe one day publish. Oh yea, I had three articles published too!

I stuck to my commitments. I got invaluable time on the water teaching yoga, feeling the healing effects of the sun and getting closer to people I shared it with. I learned how to adapt my skills online, in business and in teaching.

I said yes more to change and felt comfortable in saying no without guilt.

And for certainty, I have allowed myself to get excited about a new year.

So my eulogy for 2020 goes something like this…

Thank you for allowing me to settle in my body, get creative with my words, appreciate touch and value relationships. Thank you for letting me wonder with curiosity and concern and reach out to others. You were the year that I had one surgery that did irreversible damage but led me to a better doctor and answers. You were also the year that I had another surgery that reassured my aversion to pain meds and sedatives and gave me comfort in knowing I’ll never get addicted. You were the year that I found skin cancer and 2021 is the year it will be removed. You were the year I got to host my parents for the holidays and filled my home with their laughter and love even for a few days, that lasted way longer. You were the year I went on a second solo road trip and helped forge my love for the southwest and my vitality in Mother Nature. You were the year that I got closer to friends and family, even being further apart. You were the year I found my voice and the impact it has in the written word. You were the year that taught me to let go of wishing and lean back into the universe.

So, to 2020, though you took so much from so many, you taught me more than I can ever fully express. I bid you adieu. I will not cry for you, because in so many ways you did totally suck. However, I will always be thankful, because I am stronger, better and more worth it than I ever realized.

So cheers to you, your lessons and thankfully, like so many of my relationships, your ending!


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