I was reminded during a conversation yesterday, how quick people are to judge someone who's life has veered in a different direction than theirs.
When I was on the dating scene, why have you never been married, engaged nor lived with anyone else was a question I got asked, a lot. I had my elevator pitch answer down to less than 60 seconds. Why are you divorced or what happened to your spouse? Why did you have a baby on your own? Why don't you have kids? Why don't you want kids? Why did you have so many kids? Why don't you own a house instead of rent? Why did you get an SUV if you don't want kids? Why do you have a sports car if you don't care about money? Why don't you also work? Why do you choose to have a job and raise kids?
Why? Why? Why?
Everyone wants to know why. Everyone wants to understand your choices in life or better yet, are curious about the choices life had for you and why are you not lucky like them. Oh my god...why is it anyone's business?
Well, we are a curious creature. Rather than sniff each other's butt holes to find out whether or not your scent is pure or worthy of attack, we just ask why. Curiosity isn't bad, empathy is welcome, sympathy is a perfect emotion in times of grief which comes in the form of loss a hundred different ways.
However, when your why is seeded in judgement, it is you who should question your why first. Why do you care? Is it that you do care, you want to understand this person and get to know them better. Or are their choices so foreign to you that you need to understand, how possibly that choice could have been self driven.
Am I guilty of it too? Absolutely! I'm not throwing a stone without sitting upon the pile of which I have cast myself. But, I think it is important to reflect on it from time to time. Sometimes we make choices that are different than the person next to us. Sometimes choices are made for us and we have to navigate a path we didn't expect to walk. In conclusion, we each walk a path of which was paved for us, sometimes we walk it alone. Sometimes we walk it with those willing to hold our hands. Sometimes we walk it with those willing to hold our hands, and help us find the humor when we fall or when the path comes to a complete halt and drop too.
Choose listening today, not judgement. Don't go sniff someone's butt to find out if they are worth of play, love or attack. Just listen. Also, sniffing someone's butt, if I may add, from a totally non judgmental place, isn't a thing you should do, like ever.